Yes guys, you can now put my name to your list of women who keep their promises.
In the last edition of the Community Contact, I wrote about The Blame Games Women Play, wherein I pinpointed the reasons underlying female woes, and endeavoured to correct the belief that what was wrong with the Black woman is the Black man.
Sorry to disappoint, but the conclusion did not let you off the hook, but instead warrants a good hard and entirely different approach.
Guys you are responsible for setting the tone for the family and the community. You are the leaders who need to rise up and stop blaming the white man, even though I acknowledge that there have been systematic and strategic efforts made to emasculate and oppress you. But you are bigger and better than that. If you will look in the mirror and fix your problems, you can expect that the world will take note and you will command restoration to your rightful place.
Far too many of you have been branded as lazy, sorry, no good, irresponsible, game players, users, immature, or even dogs. And many of you look and walk like a duck so…
But you can change that.
There are some who do not fall in these categories, but for those of you who are, it’s time to get up, grow up, man up and step up. No more excuses. No more blaming the“baby’s mama” you picked. You got what you wanted but then you didn’t want what you got.
Occasionally, life deals some nasty blows but you need to dust yourself off and stop waiting on your woman to do it for you. I do not want to call you names because the world does too much of that already. Instead, I want you to look at your problems, what caused them and what is keeping them in place.
Largely, the only one who can really hold you down is you – unless you empower someone else to do so by believing they can.
Many Black men are wounded or broken. These are reasons for certain behaviors, not excuses. But men, you need to know that you are a victim only as long as you believe you are. The minute you stop accepting that is the minute the authority over your reality begins to return to you.
A great many men lack knowledge of self and identity. You need to know who and what you are, and many of you do not have a clue. If you do not know, you will likely act like something and somebody you are not. You were made in God’s image so it’s time you wake up and act like you know.
When you receive the revelation the leader in you will begin to wake up, the lion in you will begin to rise up, and the victory in you will start to show up.
A lack of real identity is what allows false identities and poor standards to take root.
Too many of you are acting like dogs in heat, chasing everything with a skirt, stretch pants or leggings. You need to stop thinking below the waist. Instead you should be concentrating on your goals, your identity and your example. If you do so, women will notice you and you will not have to chase them. But you cannot expect a woman to follow your lead if all you do is lead yourself off a cliff or into a brick wall.
I am not trying to convince people that all of their problems start in the mirror. However, looking in the mirror can help you take account of your ability to do something about who or what is hindering you.
A lack of real identity causes Black men to be lazy, poor leaders, and often produce what they see – nothing. If a man acts irresponsibly, he believes that is whom he is.
If a man spends his money on strippers, prostitutes, weed or other drugs, his actions show he does not have proper insight for the future. He seeks instant gratification and the escapes of denial today, instead of planning for tomorrow. He does not understand his purpose and the role he plays in the destiny of tomorrow. Guys, you need to clear your head and regain the strength of your morality.
How would you like if your daughter were the one on stage naked that all the men are salivating over, fondling and degrading? You need to represent the stability and example of men of character, value and morals – men who know their real identity, not the identity society has embedded within you. Wake up.
Guys, you are getting tagged, targeted and stereotyped because you have allowed yourself to fall right into the behavioral traps that were set for you. Simply put, you are acting just like they said you would, thinking just as they predicted and reacting just as they expected.
Stop degrading women – even when they degrade themselves. You need to stop belittling women, abusing women and bouncing from woman to woman. You need to stop cheating. You need to take care of your children and teach your young boys to grow up and do the same. Do not let the woman or the court run you away because neither is an excuse for your absence. You need to pay your bills and stop waiting for women to do what you should be doing.
Believe me, I realize how the current system that we live in has been set up, but remember only you can step into the trap. Nobody can force you into the bear trap unless you let them; it’s time to be accountable for your own actions.
Today you need to stop blaming mommy, daddy, the white man, the government, the woman you picked, or your job. If you have been hurt, welcome to the club, but it’s time to heal and stand up. You are going to have to face your problems and make them go away, not smoke them away, dance them away, drink them away, weed them away or blame them away on someone else.
And Black women, while you are nodding your heads, or saying “ah-ha” in unison, choose to be part of the solution, not just part of his problem.
Now that you have looked at the problems and identified solutions, raise him up, praise him up, motivate him, encourage him and expect him to meet a higher standard. Most of all give him time to do it.
On a cautionary note, if you cannot speak up to build up and lift up, and then do yourself a favour, shut up.
Change often takes time, but with help the brothers can and will make it happen – no matter what they have gone through. The mirror must become their friend, not an enemy. Only then can the Black man cast a true reflection of the greatness he has within. I believe in each and every brother. Nothing is unattainable.
Aleuta—The struggle continues…