Listen up everyone! And to the many sisters out there, rest assured that I have not jumped ship, being paid or have lost it completely. I stand, and always will, for truth and fairness and will address issues that threaten or compromise same as long as cognition persists. So easy over and let us together take a look at the bigger picture.
May I add a final caveat that this article is not to be viewed as an excuse for domestic violence or abuse of any kind at any time.
Certainly there are always better ways to resolve differences in a relationship. But it is also about truth, fairness and the bigger picture: In the movies, on television, and in real life, a woman’s slaps a man face. The man, the victim is expected to be the bigger person and simply walk away. He is expected to be strong enough to take it.
However, forgotten in the equation is the fact that strength of the male is not the determining factor as to whether or not a crime of domestic violence has been committed. Whether or not the man is the bigger person and walks away after being abused is not the determining factor either.
Not even the act itself is the determining factor, as clearly defined by law. So let’s look at what they are not telling you about the big picture.
Undeniably domestic violence is committed more by men than women, but it is not all done by men, women also are often perpetrators, aggressors and abusers.
We are no strangers to the fact that when it comes to gender there are double standards in both the judicial system and law enforcement, just as with race or ethnicity. If the man is slapped by the woman society expects him to walk away. However, if the man slaps the woman, the norm and the term changes; she is a victim of domestic violence and should seek help.
Again, if the woman slaps the man and he reciprocates, he is frowned upon. Should she block him, or take his keys as he tries to leave, he is seen as making excuses. Then he is expected to suck it up and take it; if the woman follows him through the house, refuses to leave him alone and annoys or harasses him to no end. Still if the male insults the female and she slaps him, he is immediately told he should not have said that to her. Clearly, the double standards need to be exposed, and factored into the statistical data against men.
Everybody should keep their hands to themselves, and nobody should strike anybody. The oft-repeated warning: “never hit a woman no matter what” is simply an unfair expectation if not applicable to both genders. Fair is fair. Ideally it should never get to the point of violence because one or both parties should possess the level of maturity to cool down, argue without violence or simply walk away.
Another argument used to justify the double standard against men is that men are stronger, so they should be able to take it. What is being said is that man should accept the abuse. Why should that be? What strength got to do with it? Every man is not stronger in every way than every woman all the time. Yet, to make the woman the automatic victim society constantly refers to the man being stronger, thus implying that he has a greater responsibility than the woman.
For the ‘divergents’ and those holding different opinions, permit me to say this—If a woman hits a man and he hits her back with less intensity than she used against him, the man is still seen as violent and abusive. In such case the strength of the man was not even a factor at all, but he is still seen as the bad guy.
Here is a question that requires careful consideration: if a female is willing to strike a man, whom she knows is stronger than her, knowing she is taking a risk, why should society be more concerned about her than she has just been about herself? Why should we keep gender, size and strength on the table when she obviously did not let these factors deter or govern her actions?
And why should an abusive woman, though she may walk in denial of this truth, be exempted from the consequences of her actions when the man would not be if he did the same? If as is claimed, women are equal to men, and I believe that they are, then why are women not also expected to walk away?
A world of difference exists between hitting her, hitting her back and defending yourself. Without making any excuses, we need to realize that all aggression is clearly not the same. Undoubtedly, self-defense is justifiable. Application today of the American “stand your ground” laws state that when you feel or believe your safety is severely at risk, the violence you use may also be justified.
Then if a man is trying to leave the confusion and his wife or girlfriend bars the door, what should he do? And in such an instance, should pushing her out of the way be considered as “domestic violence”?
Men should not be exempted from taking actions for self-defense nor looked down upon when they do. Neither should they automatically be labeled as violent, aggressors without close examination and real facts – not stereotypical perceptions and sociological assumptions. The practice of double standards must cease.
Neither a man nor a woman should be a victim of domestic violence. However, society should stop, must stop raising the status of the woman as more important by calling her weaker, when it is convenient on one side of the coin then calling her equal to a man and just as capable on the other side. If she is equal there should be equal expectation, equal punishment and equal revealing of facts that show the whole truth to the public.
The figures are somewhat inaccurate, because men are far less likely to report cases of abuse or domestic violence at the hands of women.
Men who are victims of domestic violence are laughed at, seen as weak and not taken seriously. When responding to a domestic violence call, the police are to establish the “predominant aggressor”. The predominant aggressor is the one who is supposed to be arrested or face charges.
While it is often reported to be the male, sometimes it is the female. Other times, when the male leaves, the female is at liberty to make up anything she wants. In the absence of the male (because he is expected to walk away or leave), to refute what she is saying, the police often take her word as Gospel – even when evidence does not exist to back up her allegation. This happens all the time.
Hopefully, a clearer picture is emerging, as to the manner in which the statistics have been and set deceptions in place that wipe away the presumption of innocence for men in domestic violence cases.
If you dare to emphasize one expected behavior for one partner in a relationship and a different acceptable behavior for another, you have set a double standard that goes against the whole idea of equality. The whole story must be honestly told, and not the one that makes only women the victims.
Aleuta—The struggle continues.